This is how it goes: after a long day at the office, you open your dating app, swipe a few times, and suddenly — there he is. Grinning. Sitting on a plastic pony.

First reaction? Swipe left. Out of curiosity, however, to see how the boss markets himself, your thumb brushes up instead of left, and you see the entire profile:

• His Bio? “Riding a pink unicorn on a playground. If that doesn’t scare you off, maybe we could rock something big together.”

• The next photo? The boss licking an ice cream cone.

• Followed by one in the gym locker room — towel slung low on the hips.

The Deal in Three Words

His answer to the prompt: “Describe what it’s like to date you in three words”?

“Sweat. Play. Thrill.”

Shared Traits:
None.
Because ideally, you’d have seen as little of that profile as humanly possible.

The Conversation (Or Lack Thereof):
Since it’s physically impossible to like your boss, there is, of course, no match.
No match = no chat.

But the upcoming salary negotiation might go a little like this:

You (to yourself):
“Shhh. Half-naked boss in the bathroom mirror. Get out of my head.”

Tinderella’s Verdict:

Swipe. Left. Now.