Tinder and Bumble are full of interesting profiles, but few are as memorable (or terrifying) as The Enlightened—the guy who promises Tantra massages and spiritual healing after a single swipe.

Here’s what you need to know about this kind of online guy and their typical approach:

• Tries to get you straight into bed with Tantra massages (which he may or may not have learned during his travels in distant Asia).

• He skips the wine altogether, since his seductive aura is supposed to be intoxicating enough.

• He knows every breathing technique to moan each other into a ‘spiritual orgasm’ and of course wants to teach you these.

• He promotes his spiritual Yoni massage as the ideal first date, including the practice of breathing onto each other.

One is unsure how much garlic you’d have to eat to keep him at a distance.

Shared traits:

Photos: Sitting in lotus pose // Standing in front of a temple // Surrounded by candles, shirtless.

Status: Only casual sex but: Once you meet him, you can’t get rid of him

Emojis:

Promises “healing” through physical contact

Believes the universe matched you for a reason

Conversation:

Tinderella:
So… is the lotus pose in your pics comfy?

ShivaVibes:
Forget the lotus, that’s my legs. My hands are trained to open more than chakras, if you know what I mean.

Tinderella:
…

ShivaVibes:
Hhhhaaaaaaahhhhh

ShivaVibes:
Hhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

ShivaVibes:
Hhhhaaaaaaahhhhhh

ShivaVibes:
Tinderella?
I sense your aura needs… cleansing. Hhhhaaaaaaahhhhh

Tinderella’s Verdict

The Enlightened can be funny to chat with for a while.
If you’re not in the mood for a spontaneaus date with chakra cleansing through a Yoni massage, better swipe left.